Thursday, August 23, 2012

dreams, decisions...and drums.

For about two months during my early twenties, I had a dream of becoming a drummer.

I remember telling my dad about it just before a trip we planned to take with a few friends to St. Thomas, and when I arrived to meet him there, he surprised me with a djembe he bought for me on the island.  I was so excited to start playing, and even more excited that he acknowledged me for my new found (and kind of random) desire.

After trying to put dreads in my hair on the trip (yes, seriously, the island ladies tried to start them for me...but after a few weeks it just turned out to be a mess :) i came back with my djembe and decided that I wanted more than just one drum...I wanted to play a full kit! So I started taking drum lessons.

It seemed like the perfect idea, because at the time I was in an acoustic duo with a friend in NYC.  We were both playing rhythm guitar, and we thought that having me on drums would put some much needed edge on our sound.  I would be like the Meg White in our little folk/rock duo :)

So my drum lessons ensued, and I believed my teacher when he told me i was actually good, and a pretty quick learner, which kept me going.

I got books on drumming and would practice at home on pillows my various rhythms, and would imagine myself onstage, tearing it up...

Then, one night, my friend told me she had a friend in Boston who was giving away his old kit.  Since I was so passionate about it at the time, and I could not wait to get it apparently, I took off for Boston (from Brooklyn) that night in my car at about 8:30pm on a serious mission. 

I drove all the way up there to his house, picked up the vintage, red, sparkly set, and drove all the way back to Brooklyn just before the sun rose.

Crazy?  Yes, a little bit I think. But, I was so stoked.  My dreams were being realized, I was manifesting my new vision quicker than i imagined. I was flying!

Then...shortly after I set up that sweet red sparkly kit in my living room...the whole thing fizzled out.

I decided to move to California, and our little duo broke up.  I ended up giving that sparkly red drum set that I had so desired to a drummer friend i knew, the same morning that I left in my car for San Diego (no room for the drums!).  It was the last thing I did before driving over the Brooklyn Bridge, heading out of NY to pick up my mom in NJ, to then head West toward California.

Fast forward many years later, I still enjoy keeping the rhythm but am far from being a drummer :)

I think about this, and all the other ideas and dreams I have had throughout my life of what I wanted to become.  I think about how I wanted to be an actress, a dancer, a writer, a photographer, a teacher, a director, and the owner of a really cool coffee shop! I've dabbled in many of these.

I think of all the times I moved, how many places, apartments, cities and countries I've lived many jobs I've had, relationships I've tried. I've been a gypsy, always moving, changing, growing, searching.

So, I am grateful that the one thing that has remained a constant for me in the last 7+ years is singing, writing and performing. I am grateful for the willingness I’ve had to continue this journey, as it has been the one thing that I’ve been able to grow inside of ~ a true path of evolution, and the one thing that "stuck" after all these years.

When i look at this picture below of me behind a drum kit late one night in Montreux during my tour, I am reminded of one of my dreams from the past.  And I see that I look really happy behind those drums...because I was.  I didn't feel as if I missed out on playing them.  I feel satisfied with the beautiful life I've created writing and singing my songs.  I am glad I stuck with that.

However, I do wonder. What would life have been like had I pursued that dream?  Could the drums possibly be another chapter in my life?

I have been writing this blog for over a week now, coming to the conclusion that drumming would not be in my future. It was a thing of the past, and an occasional and casual moment in the present. I have also been coming to the conclusion that one important lesson in my life is to stick with things...and resist the urge to constantly keep changing things up.

However, today someone asked me if I played the drums!! She suggested that I should do a White Stripes kind of a thing as a side project, like something totally unexpected for my fans.

I wanted to tell her that she should read this blog!!! I couldn't believe she asked me that, as it has been on my mind so much lately. What impeccable timing, what perfect alignment.

So...then.  Does this mean I could do both?  And does this suggest that maybe experimenting with the drums would open up a whole other side of me that I had forgotten about?  Commitment to one path surely and steadily opens up a lot of learning, but then again, so does allowing our heart to lead us into new territory.

Anyone up for giving me a drum lesson? :)

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