Magic Numbers

Yesterday, my friend Sean told me his lucky number was 14.

"That's interesting you mentioned that," I said, "because mine is 41."

I always look at the clock at 41 after the hour...
and I seem to catch it on signs, or just in random places that i glance, and he says he does the same with 14.

Later that day, while addressing an envelope to a friend, i looked down at what I'd just written and realized my friend's house number was 4114.  Hmmmm.

Then, after 7 months of no comments on my Youtube version of #41, i received an email that afternoon with a new comment for that particular song.

Also, while sitting down to my computer in that same hour, i looked up and realized i had 1411 unread emails in my inboxes ~ i have 3 combined (and yes, i need to clean them out! :)

Then, while sharing these synchronicities with another friend, she told me she used to have an email address of:  all4114all@...com.  Huh.

And finally, my friend said that on that same evening while out on a boat, he saw another boat pass by with with a big 41 on it.

So....what does it all mean?

Who knows...?!!

I do know that I will make myself crazy if I try and figure it out in my head. 

But I certainly know how it feels ~ and it feels like magic.  And it feels like i'm on the right path. And it feels like numbers are a confirmation, or a sign to say ~ wake up! We are all connected, and we are most definitely guided, if we pay attention.

So i wanted to commemorate that magic with a photo i took yesterday and make it look like how i felt ~ all warm and colorful and connected to the heavens. I wanted to create something as a reminder of that feeling.

And well...that is what we do when we get inspired...create! We touch something so powerful, we must share it, because that sweet sip of the divine needs to be expressed and...will maybe even inspire others.

And I didn't realize til just now, but it looks like there's a heart in the sky.  Perhaps its the universe's way of saying, I love you, thank you for paying attention! You are magic.

So, what's your magic number!? Have you seen it today?? Has it reminded you that you are watched over and guided by a magic hand?  Is it telling you to wake up and look at what's right in front of your eyes?

HA! at this moment of completion, i look up and it's 12:14.
 Ok, i'm done.

Peaceful Warriors

In May, I released a new video for an unreleased song, "Soldier."

The song was one of those that just came to me.  I didn't plan to write about this particular subject matter, though the message was definitely something I carried with me, and came out in this song.

As humans, I've noticed that we tend to start building walls if we get hurt in life.  After time, these walls can turn into thick armor around our hearts.  We're afraid to let love in and afraid to let love out.

Part of why we're here, I believe, is to learn how to get back to a pure and open heart.  And this, is not often easy.  It can be a struggle, a battle, a fight.  And we become like soldiers, fighting to love, to learn, to surrender.

Personally, in my own life, my armor started going up when I was 11.  My parents got divorced and I switched middle schools ~ went from private to public ~ all in the same month. It was devastating.

As a child, I enjoyed any kind of performance:  dance, singing, acting...some of which I made up myself and performed for my family on the makeshift stage in our basement.

When that fall came, when I was 11 and my parents told us they were splitting up, and I went from a small school where I was completely accepted for who i was, to a much bigger school where I was immediately teased, it crushed me.  The walls went up, the armor got thick, and I stopped being me.

That year, in 6th grade, I had a crush on a boy named TJ Anderson.  My friend, who was also into music and went to my old school, wrote a song about him for me.  One day on the playground, I sang it in confidence for my "friends." They ended up making fun of me for it and prank calling me after school to have me sing the song....they actually had TJ on the line.  It was mortifying.

It's moments like these that make us afraid to be who we are.  We get scared and retreat into a world where it's safe.  Often times, that means we have to close up a piece of our heart in order to protect it. That day I decided that singing wasn't safe.  And it wasn't long after that, that I stopped singing altogether for many years.

Coming back to music has been my heart opener, it has been my slow and steady process of allowing myself to be fully expressed in my heart again, after all these years ~ and it's still a daily process.

Life lessons on forgiveness have been my heart opener.  Often times they've led me to learn the hard way that bitterness and resentment cannot live inside a pure heart.  It takes great courage to really let go of those feelings and transform them back into love.

Learning from our triggers (the things that ignite us with emotion) ~ whether it be anger, jealousy, or sadness ~ if we are brave enough to look at WHY we feel that way and then find ways of effectively dealing with those triggers, we can be free. We can BE LOVE.

However we make our way in life, I believe it is crucial for us to be like Soldiers...or Peaceful Warriors...striving for the peace and love that we all deserve to have in our hearts. Nothing in our past was ever wrong or bad, it was just an opportunity to learn about love, no matter how difficult the lesson. 

So I invite you to look at those areas in your life where you are holding a grudge, where you are triggered by emotion, where you are "stuck" in something that doesn't serve to make you feel amazing about yourself and your life!  Also, where are you blaming someone? Can you see that it's never really about the other, and that it's about how we choose to relate to the situation?

What can you do to bring down the walls, to let more love flow in and out, to purify your heart? These are the important questions of today's world. Not ~ how much money do you make, what do you do for a living, where do you live, etc.

We are becoming a heart-centered world, so let's all take a moment to feel the power we have sitting right in our own chest, and beam our love to ourselves and on all those who cross our path.

And just think....if we are ALL Soldiers "fighting our own internal war," when each of us learns how to overcome our own personal struggles to find peace within, then...there will be peace in this world.

Yoga = Unity

Last summer I traveled to Europe for an incredible tour through 7 different countries. While in Austria, my host family there was curious about yoga. Since I'd been practicing on and off for many years, I felt there were a few basics I could share.  So one evening just before the sun had set, we were out in the back yard and I led them through a few postures.

In that moment I thought to myself how wonderful it would be if I could actually lead them through a real class. The thought truly inspired me...but was not something  I really thought I could manage to make happen in my life.

Shortly after that thought, another one came. Wouldn't it be great if I had a deeper sense of my own yoga practice so that I could take it with me on the road to help keep me (and those around me) centered and balanced?  While the tour was amazing in almost every way, I had to admit the traveling was taking its toll on my well being.

When I returned back to California in the Fall, I took a class at the Soul of Yoga in Encinitas, excited to try out a new studio.  I walked into The Soul for the first time, and I felt an immediate resonance with the feeling there, the people and the teachings.  I felt at home.

Soon, I was attending class almost every day - sometimes twice a day!

I thought...wouldn't it be wonderful if I could spend all day here...or even a whole week here!?

Then, I discovered their teacher training program and was excited to learn that the structure was an intensive course - perfect for someone like me with such a busy and fluctuating schedule.  That was when the butterflies began tickling my inside...and it seemed they were whispering for me to 'take this yoga training!'

I contemplated this for a few months with questions like...where would the money come from? Is now the right time? How will I use this skill in my life, and will it really be practical?

Love Remains

As songs get written, they usually start out with one thought, motivation or spark of insight, and then continue traveling and expanding into other landscapes, picking up more meanings and insights along the way.

"Love Remains" started as a song about ending a relationship with someone while still hoping to one day get back together, thinking that maybe then things would be better. Most of us have been in that place before, clinging to that hope of one day being able to make things work. Though most often we find it doesn't usually work out that way.

The song then came to reflect the peace I'd made with a different relationship in my life. One that was very difficult for me, one where I just wanted to stay angry at this person forever and never dig deep enough to find compassion and forgiveness for a person that I'd once cared so much about.

So far, its been my greatest life lesson about Love.

I truly didn't think I would regain the capacity to bring full love and forgiveness to this relationship, but there came a time where I could almost taste that residual anger like a poison, and I knew it was killing me. I knew it wasn't me.

So, after about two years of holding on, I let it go...

And finally, "Love Remains" brings a smile to my face as I remember my beautiful friend Matt. The one who was known for his LoVE sign.

His passing is a reminder that LoVE truly remains. People will come and go in our lives, all of our lives...but the LoVE of these relationships, the LoVE of our connections with each other's hearts, ALWAYS remains.

So, what about you? What does "Love Remains" mean to you?
Where in your life have you remembered or forgotten that Love remains?

Whatever the answers...they are yours to sing about.

Loving Wings

art by jon marro

Loving Wings
by Dave Matthews

My heart was made of broken bones
My Soul’s a bag of stick and stone
And out along this dusty road
You have come my love to take me home

I give to you my everything
You’ve given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud (oh...)

You lightly lifted me away
Out of a darkness, cold and gray
And I work beneath the midday sun
My cool blue water you have come

I give to you my everything
You’ve given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud (oh...)

So take your place here next to me
And I'll take my place there next to thee
And no matter how far YOU may roam
Its by your side I make my home

I give to you my everything
You’ve given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud (oh...)

You're doing a great job.

Last week, a young girl in Europe wrote me via my website saying she wanted to be "a bit more like me." I seemed contented to her, she said, and subsequently my music filled her with a calmness and peace.

I wrote her back to remind her that she IS like me. That she too has the capacity to be content, and that I'm merely reflecting that back to her. More importantly, I reminded her that we all have a peace inside of us to access, and that - though sometimes its hard to see - this peace is often found on the other side of struggle.

She wrote back to say that she faces many challenges in her life, and it seems like i have the "perfect life," to which I then reassured her that...no, my life is not perfect, and I too have seen my fair share of tough experiences throughout my past. "I'm human too," I said, and I deal with that every day.

I shared with her that music became a peaceful refuge for me and a place to experience the world as I FEEL it or at least how I WANT to feel it, on those days when I'm having a hard time.

Everyone has that ability to work through their challenging experiences by doing something creative or meditative, and often times they develop their special gifts and talents because of it.

To better understand what I'm speaking of, I recommend watching a movie called, "Buck." Have you seen it? Its a beautiful story about a "horse whisperer" of sorts, who had a very hard life, and through his experiences, he developed a sensitivity and a profound compassion for animals...particularly horses. (more at http://buckthefilm.com/)



It's a story that demonstrates transformation of Pain into Peace. Fear into Love. Dark into Light.

I love the opening quote of the trailer - "Your horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see...sometimes you will."

Right now, during this time in our planet's history, we are all collectively facing some of our biggest personal challenges. Life is RIGHT NOW SHOWING US EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED TO SEE, even if it might be hard to look it. So as you're facing all of that icky stuff, remember...

You're doing a great job.

You are Love,
and you are Loved.
You are Peace,
and you have everything you need.

You are not perfect, and yet you ARE perfect, just the way you ARE.

And finally...

You're not in this alone - we're here to LOVE and support one another.
Because none of our lives are "perfect"...
even if it appears that way on facebook :)

i am fulfilled.

there is no one moment better than the next.

each one is here to savor each drop.

whether standing in line at the grocery store, or hugging someone i love, or accomplishing something i've always wanted to.

its all the same.
its all beautiful.
and its all happening right now.